THE MOTHER OF ALL CHAIN LETTERS

This letter has been to every corner of the civilized world (and New Jersey) It has rounded the earth 80 Zillion times and has also been reported by satalites to be orbiting Mercury. It has been read by Kings,Queens,Princes,Sultans,Emperors,Presidents and All the Presidents Men...and now it has been passed to you (ironic, isn't it?)

The History of the Letter:

This chain letter was started nine hundred years ago by an obscure German monk named Brother Shlongus of Klinsbrukken who reputedly lived all alone on a mountain with none but his sheep for company. After many years of living on said mountain, legend has it, Brother Shlongus went insane and decided that he would make it life's work to pester the people of nearby villages with annoying chain mail and also to perfect a way to tie-dye sheep. While unsuccessful in his second effort (the sheep would turn a nasty green color and then die), Brother Shlongus met with quite a bit of success. As a result of the chain mail, the warring Village-States of Drofdem and Ellivremos put down their weapons and made peace when they realized that who they should REALLY be fighting against is that asshole on the mountain. So the two mighty Village-States banded together the peoples of other villages who were equally annoyed by the letters and formed a Mob of epic proportions. Armed with torches and sharp sticks, they made their way up the mountain in a disorganized weaving mobby fashion, tied up Brother Shlongus and cast him into the sea. The sheep were taken back and put up in a nice sheep foster-home. Two years later, Mongol hordes invaded the region and slaughtered everyone but Brother Shlongus' letter survived and has been passed on since.

The Letter:

				~THE MAGIC WORDS~	
			Arn eengle monch yeen degs und wam
			Yang-foo, yang-foo spam-dur-gnam!
			Arn foolbee monch dem ween el bree
			Beacoup wuzz ming ming inf une squee!
			Arn eengle monch yeen degs und wam
			Rang-doo smank-zoo spam-dur-gnam!
			------------------------------------

				Peace and Sheep be With you
					Brother Antonio Pierre Shlongus
III

Make seven copies of this letter and send it to your seven bestest buddies (or more if you're feeling particularly generous). After this is accomplished, write the name of your favorite smurf on your left hand, stand outside on one leg and recite the magic words of the letter while chewing on a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (candy of a non-peanut- butter nature can be substituted in the case of a medical condition.) If you follow the above instructions, in three days you will be brought good luck by a sheep. If not...beware!! This is not a joke. Many other chain letters promise good luck...they are full of shit. Only this letter truly has the power to make your deepest sheep-oriented wishes come true. Just look at some of these amazing true stories:

Some Amazing True Stories of the Letter:

• Sir Francis Drake received the letter and followed the instructions. Two days later, he was visited by a talking sheep who told him how to defeat the Spanish Armada.
• Linbert Gauzdinger received the letter, sent the copies and said the magic words. Three days later, he ordered mutton at a local bistro and found a gold watch in his meal. Linbert subsequently used the money from the watch to pay for his dental reconstruction.
• Fred Shenkle heeded the instruction of the letter and on the third day, he was visited by Ed McMahon with a check for a million dollars. (Ed McMahaon, while not technically a sheep, can be made to behave like one if properly motivated.)
• George Herbert Walker Bush, 41st president of the United States received a copy of the letter, followed the instructions,and three days later, while at a farm in Kennebunkport, kissed a sheep who magically transformed into a beautiful maiden whom he married and lived happily ever after with.
• Ivan Paul Freilly received the letter and tossed it out. Three days later, he was bitten by a rabid sheep at a petting zoo and died soonafter.
• John F. Kennedy received the letter and didn't send it. Lee Harvey Oswald had been a sheep farmer in the Soviet Union. 'Nuff said.
• Jonathan P. Thomas received the letter and used it to swat a moth. he didn't send it (then again..would you?! It was covered in moth nastyness for chrissakes!). Later that day, on his way back from K-mart, he was, from out of nowhere, hit by a falling anvil, a safe, a grand piano...and a sheep.