Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2000 08:14:14 -0700 (PDT)
To: skeptic@listproc.hcf.jhu.edu
Subject: The Hubble recipe


http://jcdverha.home.xs4all.nl/scijokes/2_14.html#0424_4:

A few years ago I was touring the Jet Propulsion Lab and they showed me
a prototype of the Hubble Space Telescope.  "Pretty cool machine,
guys," I said, "but is there anyway us amateur astronomers can get in
on this kind of action?"  They said yes, plans for the HST were
available through the gift shop.  "How much?"  I asked.  They said
"Fifty."  I said "Great!  Here's my American Express Plutonium Card!"

I picked up the plans and went home, happy as a clam, until I got my
American Express bill.  The total amount due was $50,119.00!  I figured
the $119 must have been from one of these Northwest student ticket
vouchers, but where was that $50,000 from?  Only then did I realize
that JPL had charged me, no fifty dollars, but fifty THOUSAND dollars.
Boy was I mad.  But it was too late to return the plans and get my
fifty thousand dollars back, so I just chalked it up to experience.  But
now I'm getting my revenge...  I asked the folks at the JPL copyright
office if I could give the plans out to all my friends and they said,
"Heck, why not?  What do we need with royalties?  Tell the world!"  So
I've written up the key steps here.  Please post them to every bboard
you can think of and mail them to all your friends.  Remember, if you
break the chain you'll get seven years of bad sunspot interference.

You will need:
1 launch vehicle.
126 "Master Constructor" Erector Sets(tm).
1 Radio Shack(tm) Pro-2001 scanner.
1 2-meter block of glass.
1 box of aluminum foil.
4 sheets of #20 (coarse) sandpaper.
4 sheets of #150 (fine) sandpaper.
2 children's magnifying glasses.


(optional) filters and instrumentation as needed.

Instructions:

  1.  Using the erector sets, construct a superstructure capable of
      supporting a 2-meter mirror and whatever instrumentation you will
      be using.  Make sure that the superstructure can survive the
      G-forces during launch.  Don't be tempted to skimp on the nuts
      and bolts here.

  2.  Using the #20 sandpaper, grind the block of glass until it takes
      on the shape of a convex mirror.  Be very careful in this step
      because if you get the shape wrong you'll have to start over
      again.  Use the #150 sandpaper to smooth out any irregularities
      and fix any minor problems with the focus.  Then melt the
      aluminum foil and vacuum deposit 1-2 atomic layers of aluminum on
      the surface of the mirror.  Mount the mirror in its place in the
      superstructure.

  3.  Mount the children's magnifying glasses at the focal point of the
      mirror.  These will serve as an eyepiece for your instruments.

  4.  Open the back of the Pro-2001 scanner.  There will be a 16-pin
      chip on the upper left of the circuit board labelled 1Y1169AV.
      Carefully clip out the fourth pin on the left and remove it from
      the chip.  This will convert your Pro-2001 scanner into the
      usually much more expensive Pro-2010 scanner with orbital
      transceiver capabilities.  Close the back of the scanner, check
      that the batteries are in place, mount it in the superstructure,
      and connect it to your instruments.

  5.  Make one last check of everything and you're ready to launch!

This is a true story, every bit of it, I swear on my father's sister's
grave.  Even if it isn't, I hope that you get as much use and enjoyment
out of your home-built Hubble Space Telescope as I have from mine!

Back to 
http://www.cs.rutgers.edu/~watrous/chain-letters.html


This file last edited June 28, 2011.